Thursday, August 26, 2010

Back On My Feet

Hello! Is anyone still out there? I hope so, because I'm back and ready to continue this blog, with some minimal changes. See, I took this unintended hiatus due to several things: deciding to change up the way I plan to blog, I was camera less for the past 2 weeks when I went back home, and procrastinating because I wanted to figure out what to say when I came back. So here it is...sorry ahead of time for the long post, but there are things I need to say.

As much as I like holding myself accountable for what I ate, I found it to be getting less and less enjoyable for me. Although I didn't photograph and post every little thing I ate, the most annoying thing was deciding whether or not I should post such and such thing, if for instance I grabbed a piece of chocolate or a rice cake. I would prefer to cook something and post a picture of what I made because I really enjoy cooking and I haven't been doing much of that lately. So, I plan to post things I cook or something I didn't make that was interesting and tasty, instead of posting and obsessing over every little thing I ate.

I really want this blog to be a therapeutic experience for me and to help me move into my twenties with a healthy body and body image. For most of my teen years, I was very concerned and obsessed with the way my body looked. I was very lucky to have gotten through those years without an eating disorder, but I definitely think I partook in disordered eating. I can't really remember how I ate, but I just feel like I would do weird things, mainly ignoring my body- sometimes waiting too long to eat, causing myself to eat until I was uncomfortable full. I was a runner who had no clue how to fuel herself- eating a small breakfast and lunch and then running at practice after school. Not surprisingly, I would be quite hungry when I got home around 4:30. Looking back, I just don't feel that this was very healthy and I guess I just didn't really know how to eat 'right'. Right now, I feel like I'm still learning how to eat 'right', but I also think I've learned that there no one 'right' way of eating, it depends on the person. Let's put it this way: I'm still learning the best way of eating for me.

Okay, next tangent, I guess. For many years I've been self conscious and body conscious. I still am to some degree, but getting out of my teenage years has made it easier to be happy with myself. I like myself more these days, but I still want and need to work on these issues. Even though I'm still body conscious, I'm happy to say I don't really have a love/hate relationship with food anymore. I mean, granted, I'm probably still weird about my food choices (like touting that I much prefer meatless meals, even though I will eat meat, especially chicken wings or buffalo chicken flavored/topped anything.) But, I don't fear food the way I used to. Again, I love to cook things, and I still debate whether or not to "healthify" something, or just make said thing the old fashioned and more satisfying way. I'm trying to listen to my body and be in tune with my hunger and fullness cues. And as I do that, I'm trying to conquer my fear of the mirror. And that's all I want to say about that right now.

Anywho, remember the last time I posted, I promised to post a picture of my new haircut? My parents and Ralph have finally seen my hair, so here it goes:

Okay, I know the pics a little cut off, but I had to pick the one that showed off the infamous dimples, haha! It's a lot shorter than this, right?:

Recently made food:

Last night, my sister Melissa and I made pizza! She picked up some ready made whole wheat pizza dough (so convenient!) and we fixed up this beauty with lotsa pizza sauce, lotsa cheese, half supreme pizza and half buffalo chicken.
Can you tell which side I favored more when adding the toppings?

Melissa and I decided on stir fry for dinner tonight. I really have no plan for it except for that I'm thinking of surprising her with sesame or general tso's chicken to go with it. I'll let you know how it goes, see you later!


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